Just For Fun!

What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GORGEOUS? I STARE, I SMILE, AND WHEN I GET TIRED...I PUT THE MIRROR DOWN

There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.

One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God
bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."

Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot
about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or
two later the father heard his son saying his prayers again "God
bless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."

The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting
more than a little worried about the whole situation. Two weeks
later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God
Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."

This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say
anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would
miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner.
Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he
got home he apologized to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a
very bad day at work today." "You think you've had a bad day?
YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?", the wife yelled, "The mailman
dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

I look at the stars and I see you,
I look at the moon and I see you,
I look at the trees and I see you,
Please step aside, you are blocking my view.

A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home!

Just For Fun!

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

Last night I was looking at the stars and I wondered... where the hell's my ceiling!

Just For Fun!

15 THINGS TO MAKE YOUR PARENTS THINK YOU'RE INSANE!!
1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Moo when they say your name.
3. Run into walls.
4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine
6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"
7. Wear a sticker that says, "I’m a retard"
8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time.
9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"
10. Do what they actually tell you.
11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly.
12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people.
13. At everything they say yell, Liar.
14. Try to swim in the floor.
15. Tap on their door all night.

If you think you are fat, you are not, silly!
You are in shape. Round is a shape. =)